Square One...

Well, where do I start? Lost the Improv showcase. By lost I mean that I didn't even place... AGAIN. Took me a little while to sort out what that might mean. Probably means that I'm not half as funny or a good joke writer that I thought I was. It was pretty confusing for me, not because I had any assumptions of what the other comics could or couldn't do onstage. But, more than anything I felt like I was so ready and there was no way that I could do it again and walk away empty handed. I spoke to Jermaine about it and he thought I was concerned with just getting more work. While that would be cool to work at the Improv, that is not at all why the showcase is a big deal to me. If I'm ever gonna get out of this area through comedy, I feel like I have to at least make good with the Improv. It's the IMPROV, and now I'm just some guy who can either realize that maybe I need to take up sewing, or start all over again. Haven't really felt too funny since. Maybe Joe Robinson has a point with the chart that he created almost a year ago. Just because you love something doesn't mean that your gonna be great at it. Some people are just made to appreciate what they love and not participate. I'm not really sulking, but I am a realist and that is sinking in more and more. Before I forget, congrats to Jason Weems, Nick Mullen, and Bigg Mike(that was the order of placing). And, how could I forget to mention how lovely Laura Prangley and Jessica Paquin looked on such a night. Oh, and just in case my testicles were about to come out from the Improv embarrassment, I'm certain that yet again I won't be coming to the DcComedyFest. Just a feeling... You know what, I'm still bitter so I'm gonna go. I'll get back when something positive can be said.

A Transmission....

This blog I wrote yesterday and sent to my good buddy Mr. S. at TDC producshizzels....

Hey everybody, it's Tyler Richardson again. It's been so long since we've had a sit down and I can barely remember what you look like anymore. Are you still beautiful? Did you grow your hair long? Remember how you used to shove a whole Snickers bar in your mouth and almost choke before you finally got it down your throat... good times. But, I come to you with a list of things that I think you need to see. Compile your own list and let someone important know all the things that you would do if you could. As for me, "If I could I would..."
1)Grab a peach and chuck it at the first pretty girl that I saw.
2)Surprise a homeless person with a million dollars.
3)Tell 13 year old Tyler to be a prick to girls at an earlier age...they like that.
4)Never listen to a single song by Shaggy.
5)Grow a ponytail just to be confused with a pimp.
6)Find out who wrote "Roll Bounce" and stab his dog.... and yes, then him.
7)Be the first person to own an iPhone.(cause they're f'n cool man)
8)Jump into Gears of War and start killing those mofos for real.
9)Own an Escalade and see if random ho's come out of nowhere to listen to rap music and let me pour Cristal down their bodies.
10)Same as #9 but a Bentley.... come on folks that just cool.
11)Get my mother to rap the lyrics to "Throw some D's" in it's entirety.
12)Date Queen Latifah to make Mo'Nique jealous. BBW's are in, baby!
13)Quit every bad habit that I have...except weed.
14)Travel back in time to stop Nick Cannon's birth. He's NOT funny, damnit.
15)Get a pool full of Beefaroni and tell no one.
16)Meet my Aunt who died before I was born, I hear that we're very alike.
17)Test to be an astronaut, I thought that the screening would catch someone like me...
18)See #9 again.... we're almost done.
19)Treat two specific women better than I did. They know who they are.
20)Keep my mother and grandmother alive forever cause I can't imagine the alternative.
21)Have time to watch the Matrix Trilogy then follow it with LOTR trilogy.
22)Balance my budget better.
23)Do Whores... who happen to have brought me free weed. YAY!

Well, that's one for every year that I've lived and the list was getting too long to keep people's attention. Hope you all have your own list brewing and I'll catch you laters....

Fruit Punch

Just thought I'd call this blog that since it's on my mind. I can't have any because it always seems to leave the mouth the same color as the drink. Same goes for Grape and Orange soda, which is cruel since it's in my genes to love both. Damn. Anyone else carry a toothbrush with them to work cause of how gross it feels to have stuff on your teeth during the work day. I'm weird like that I guess.
I really hate my boss. A lot, and Shawn should you ever read this I hope your reading from the grave baby. I only bring that up cause my BFF Nelson recently had quite the story involving his blog. Quick background: Nelson works for a formalwear company while finishing school at Marymount University. He had a couple people that are friends of his fired a couple weeks back for stealing and hook-ups. He did not snitch but naturally the situation was weird for him. Nelson gets angry very easily. He wrote an angry blog because of this. Since he was one of the few people that did not steal I can only imagine that he was their golden boy, and he's worked for them since high school. Now that your up to speed... Somehow his district manager gets wind of this blog and asks someone at the store if Nelson still in fact works there. This is before he actually read the blog for himself. Someone tells someone who tells someone else and it gets back to Nelson. He has the time to take it off the Myspace page and "to the best of our knowledge" it won't be retrieved. We'll see. It was weird when he told me about it cause he says "Well it wasn't really that bad til' the very end of the blog". He said that as I was reading it and honestly it wasn't. But, when I got to the last few sentences there were references to the following:
-Dropped management's names
-Expletives, oh my, there were expletives
-Threats of punching the District Manager in the mouth
-Joyful talk of them reading the blog and firing him so he could(see last note)
Oh it was something. Thank God it's off the myspace page. Bless you Nelson.

Ned Divine's tonight. Gotta get my shiggity together cause the 13th is creeping up like a child with a switchblade. This morning I was showering and it hit me "Damn, that's in like 11 days" how time flies. Well, I guess we'll do this again real soon, like Monday. Laters...