I don't need instructions to know how to ROCK!

That's just a quote from a good show. If you currently aren't watching Aqua Teen Hunger Force, you might wanna "sheck it out". Sorry Joe. I've become something of a God in Gears of War.... that is all.
Sunday I head off to New York with Sampson and Chris Barylick. That should be fun and I won't be making the same mistake of buying New York Style pizza. Here is my problem with that type. In New York, the pizza that everyone won't stop talking about is thin and large. But, more importantly than that, it's hard on the bottom. As a child, I remember watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles:the movie and it always looked so delicious. But it looked soft all over to me. So imagine my surprise and dismay when I bit into the pizza and discovered HARD BOTTOM. It was one of the sadder moments of my life... that day... and I bought a CD for like $20. So, instead of paying for this pizza that does not appeal to me, I shall got to a McDonald's or Sbarro. Tim Miller teased me the last time I went to New York and bought from Sbarro, but the stuff is good folks. You know that already though, why did I bother to try and defend them. They need no defense. Their offense is too strong.
For those that care about my schedule, I have a pretty bleak looking December but who am I? I don't expect to get a paid show every month, but one can always hope and keep picking up that phone, right? Right. And one day I will conquer this beast known as The Jokes on Us comedy club. Oh, it's gonna happen. I have tape of Saturday at the Hyatt that will find it's way online very soon. I would love to have a tape I'm not ashamed of that was at the Comedy Factory or the Improv, but I'm not Improv ready yet(I'm trying out this modesty thing) and guess I have to wait til' next time to get a tape at the Factory. But, it is important to me that people know I'm doing different material than that old stuff. I've written it off and it's dead to me. But then again, Kwanzaa is right around the corner now. Rob Maher has a new open mic, and for once, I'm gonna be on the first list of a new open mic. It's just an open mic, but every new guy has seen a list of a new open mic and noticed that "the good guys" come rock it right away and then over the course of a month Newbies get to come rock it. Well now your good buddy Tyler gonna gonna get to slice that cake up before everyone's gotten the good icing. It's a start, and next thing you know, maybe I'll open a room. Seriously, I would like to run a room but a) who would come out cause I asked them to? b)I'm not that responsible yet c)What if I all the sudden bitched when people wanted to get on my list, and then developed a super ego that destroyed the quality of jokes that I lay before you. And C) is the one that scares me the most. I peed a little just thinking of that Tyler Richardson. He should be shot. Scratch that, just slapped in front of on-lookers. It's still embarrassing. Well, I must be going but you'll hear from me soon, and you know what I'm gonna say, right? Laters...

Why?

Why do we do this thing called comedy? Is it because we enjoy the criticism that comes from strangers who don't find us funny? Do we enjoy traveling long distances for as much time as it takes to smoke a cigarette? Do we like watching our peers ascend to heights that we may never reach? Are we just sick of our day jobs? Have we just been longing to repeat jokes we've heard on television in real life to see if that will make us famous too? If you don't know the answer to these questions then I don't think that you know why your doing this. But, as for me, I think I got it.
I had a blast at the Hyatt on Saturday and I look forward to seeing whoever will be there on January 6th. For the record, I don't think I had a rape joke this time around so maybe that's why I get to come back so quickly. Who knows, it certainly wasn't because I turned that bastard sideways with laughter. I give it a 8.8, but remember I'm very bias when it comes to Tyler Richardson's performances. Andy Kline was hilarious as usual and so were a lot of comedians I saw. There were a lot of new people there but I think that everyone got their five dollars worth. They call the popcorn there GOURMET. Just wanted to point that out cause I thought I was going to choke to death from one piece. Oh it was dry baby! Loved it and so did my friend Rob that came with me. Completely unrelated, but I'm(for once) very happy with at least 15 mins. of my material now. I couldn't always say that and I feel like I've grown since I now have an amount of time that no matter what, I feel like I can rock any crowd with. That's a big step for me and hopefully as I continue to write I will get to ad to that time. No rush though, those jokes came to me when they were supposed to and so will future comedy gold... I guess. Well, tonight I hope to go to Soho, but honestly I never get written back saying that I can get on, so it's pretty easy for me to talk myself out of going out on Mondays. But, then again, the only person who suffers from that is me. So, maybe I need to get my ass out of the house. We'll see.

A great Thanksgiving

Well I have to say that I had an awesome time last night. Let's go through the line-up:
Jim Elliot
Leo Goodman
"The Great" Bird Knight
Jessica Paquin
Jared Stern
Rob "The man" Maher
Ayanna Dookie
Will Hesler
Hampton Yount
and more... including myself!
I had a great time and now to get through this holiday with the family. I won't be able to play my 360 for pretty much the whole day. That pisses me off the more that I think about it. Grrrr. Hope you enjoy the new video. We do. Til' Friday, I bid you a fond and fair good morrow. P.S.- If your bored on Saturday or your in the line-up, I'll see you at the Hyatt.

A late night snack...

Here is the latest work of the Riding with Strangers gang:


Be sure to hit up Ned Devine's tonight if your bored. Show starts at 9pm. See you there.

No tape no glory...

So, we have a lot to catch up on don't we? First, let's start with Friday night. It was cooler than I thought it would be. I was just filling in for someone and would be hosting the shows that night. Unfortunately... I got there a little late. It was unavoidable but for any new comic out there, just know that if you think you might need to take the day off at work to get there on time, take the day off. I rushed and was about 12-15 min. late. I basically ran into the show and onto the stage, and the show began. Not sure if they secretly wanted to pelt me when I got there but everyone at the Comedy Factory was still nice and seemed understanding, I did come a little ways. So, that show was a little weird but I did some time here and there(as I was told to) and it went great. Coleman Greene was the feature act and he was a great guy. Even off stage we just sat and talked like civilized people do. I will admit that I didn't get to speak to Angel Salazar all that much, but he was really nice and crushed with every performance. I did not get a tape of any of the shows due to(in this order) 1)getting there late 2) not being ready to film the second show 3)not having the tape rewound before the lights hit. But I will live. Well, in my own honest opinion, I did really well the second and even the third(the dreaded Friday night late show) show went really well. The laughed where I wanted and seemed to enjoy the jokes as much as anyone could hope for. I give the combined performances a 8.5, and I'm proud of that. As any comedian in the Baltimore area can tell you the staff at the Comedy Factory was just great. I enjoyed them last time I did a weekend there, but I really got to talk to everyone this time around and I have nothing but great things to say about everyone there. Rock on! And thanks for having me you guys.
So then we have Saturday night... I was a stupid person and told this pretty strange guy that I work with, that I would go to his house on Saturday night. I had no idea that he wanted to play video games until 4 am!(the man is like 50) But don't get me wrong, I left at 11 pm. Let me explain, but in order. I will list(as they happened) the series of strange events that lead to my exit.

1) I got a little lost finding his house
2) I see one of my bosses going into the house so I know that is the place I'm going. Mid-conversation with a friend, I just opened the door to his house to find his wife about three steps away from the door. I immediately said aloud "Why did I just do that?" Then apologized for 5 minutes.
3) Saw the mansion that he lived in and felt ashamed.
4) Did not eat the first 5 times it was demanded cause I was still drinking my beer. He demanded some more.
5) He played 10 minutes of Audioslave louder than the band does when they're really jammin'.
6) He played the guitar for me and some co-workers and used the word "serenade", and meant it. It was awkward.
7) He stopped me and a few other people from playing video games with the phrase "In a minute, everyone can either play Edgar and I, or you can go find something else to do!" That was the sign it might be time to leave.
8) While playing the game, I was going to drink this Margarita set out. I thought it was set out for me but then he asked me if I took it. He saw it in front of me so clearly he said that to let me know it wasn't for me. But if someone sets 3 Margaritas in front of you and one other person, wouldn't you assume that one was for everyone. My mistake, but then he tells me to go ahead and have it. So, I was letting it sit so I could finish my beer. Apparently, I was nursing the beer cause he kept making remarks about how I was basically wasting that drink. Then he tried to reach in and get the apple. I'm a germaphobe so I was not having that. Then, he made a few more remarks once I finished the drink about how the apple was going to waste, so I shoved that in my face to shut him up.
9) He started up Outlaw Golf and within a couple minutes he angrily got up and switched the game. When asked why, cause he seemed pissed, he just said that he'd rather play the sequel. OKAAAY, so he does that just to show everyone how his character leads along a gimp with a chain. We weren't really that amused. Desensitized I guess.
10) Someone says "Well, we'd better get going." I look up and three of the five of us still there are leaving. Then, Edgar says he's gonna just get a ride home with them. I was like "nah, I'll take you man." Then Stu looks at me and says "Hey Tyler, could you move your car, your parked behind me?" So this was my chance. Everyone was giving good-bye handshakes and damned if I was gonna stay behind. I got up and stuck my hand in the mix. He then looks at Edgar and I and called us out. "You guys are leaving after only 2 hours?!" That was horrible, but I told him that I wasn't gonna be able to have sex if I didn't leave right then. That was pretty much the truth though. So then on our way out, the host made a couple of joke with the loud words "get out" in them. Not funny. Point taken. He kept trying to play it off though. SO we left.
11) In the car, we laughed at everything that ust took place and then it hits me. I look in the back seat cause I don't think I took my game out of his XBOX 360(by the way, he handed me a printed out inventory of all of his games for XBOX and 360, let's just say it equaled a few pieces of paper). So now it's either we go back or I get it on Monday. Edgar had to pee so we went back. I called to let him know, and he sounded a little pissed but told me to come around back.
12) When I got there his son was now home. Nice guy, I said my pleasantries and then made my way to retrieve my game, and smooth this bitch over. Edgar went to the bathroom. When he got back I felt the urge to go to the bathroom too. So, I did. When I come out of the bathroom the first thing I see is that for some reason this guy's son is now shirtless. And he was a BIG BOY. Jelly big, not sexy big. He was showing off his ARM tattoos, so he took his shirt off. That was all I needed to see though. I made for quick compliments and then a handshake and we were outta there like a bat out of hell. All praise to Meatloaf! So that was my Saturday, plus I went home and had sexin's. That too, was beautiful.

In one of my earlier blogs I gave out my gamer tag. It's Devo2021 in case you weren't reading, but someone finally made contact. I will not say who cause I haven't actually conquered them, but you all know them quite well. When the day comes that he feels my chainsaw, I will plaster his name and hopefully a snapshot of me killing him with it. But, all in the name of love, I hope he'll give me an equally brutal tongue lashing if he comes up the better man. And, there's a good chance he'll be better.
Well people, it's off to Soho for practice(hopefully) and then to God knows where. VIVA LA TYLER! Laters...

Baltimore Comedy Factory pt. 2

Well if your bored tonight, and wondering around Baltimore, and you owe me $20 bucks... then come to the Comedy Factory tonight while I do a few shows. The debt will be forgiven, trust me. Also, I saw Over the Hedge. Damn good movie, but isn't anything that stars Bruce Willis. Well folks, I'll be hitting that dusty trail here soon so I will report on tonight tomorrow. Hopefully, I'll do well with my newer stuff and get a good 10 mins. on tape. Laters people...

Video games.... the anti-accomplishments

Well, I apologize for my absence but WWE Smackdown vs. Raw 2007 came out on Tuesday and I've had to get as much of it out of my system as possible. I've gotta get back on the ball cause I feel a void where comedy used to be. No amount of weed amounts to that high so I have to get back on the road otherwise I'll just die. Not literally, but I will transform into a beast the has lost the ability to control his urge to kill. Just as bad by most people's standards. Did I mention that the beast would have metallic skin so the military won't be able to take him down... yeah cause that's one of the scariest parts. And missiles for arms. That's all.
For anyone out there with an XBOX 360: my gamertag is Devo2021, come find me. Then come get some. Gears of War, Smackdown, Madden, etc. I gets busy.
Lovely rainy day we're having, always better when you can enjoy the evening knowing that there's nothing to do, but sex up whoever is closest to you. I hope Nelson has the memo on rainy days, cause if'n he don't, it gonna be sex by surprise(aka rape). Okay now that was a rape joke but I've investigated and if you call it sex by surprise, people get less offended cause it takes a minute for them to realize that your speaking of the love that bears no passion.
A stranger tried to sell me drugs while I was exiting a store the other day. this might be a regular occurrence for some of you, but that doesn't really happen to me. For the first time in my life I felt like an adult cause I wanted to call the cops on him. Instead, I laughed all the way to the car, cause his only line was "What's up lil' homie? I got dem DUBS if you want em'!" Oh, he was classy. But, his lack of showmanship combined with the fact that he's the most obvious drug dealer I've ever seen kept him from a sale. And, I already had my drugs and I think he could tell from the look in my eyes.
Ned Devine's this Tuesday!
Don't have a whole lot for you guys today other than an impromptu poem that I'm all too happy to share:

If I could pick one moment in my life to go back on it would be one magical July night.
The year would be 2001 and the mood was just right.
I was driving around on a rainy day, and stopped to admire the scenery of a local neighborhood.
Not that I hadn't done this before but tonight was extra special.
Cause I got blown in my car that night.
End.

Here it is.....

Here is the video that I've promised for so long. I hope that you guys like it. I'll have the outtakes and deleted scenes(for a good reason) ready by later today. Later...

a Sunday to remember

Yesterday was an unusually good day for me. Mostly due to the fact that I played Gears of War for the entire day. Emergence day was exactly what it was made to be... FUN. At 12:01 am on Sunday morning the killings began. At one point a guy that I'm guessing isn't all that great to talk to began his tirade about white superiority and that was the first time I have ever given someone an online tongue lashing. I didn't respond with shut the F up or anything but instead gave him 3 minutes of "How sad is your chapter of the KKK, that they have you playing games online in hopes of recruiting soldiers for the movement?" Eventually, cause I was on a roll, a teammate had to tell me to calm down and let it go. I never really yell, and didn't then, just calmly expressed that it's pathetic he has to share those views with a bunch of guys relaxing and little children who are in between homework. You can't change anyone, but you can hold their face an inch away from feces and make them a punk for a second.
I hope to go to Soho tonight, and as a matter of fact... I think I will. Not that I stand a chance of getting on, but I miss you guys and it's been like a week and a half since I hopped on a stage in our area. That should not be! I keep getting these E-mails for a myspace account that I deleted like 5 months ago. I don't understand why I'm getting them but it looks like a lot of that stuff is coming from people that I don't really speak to. OH WELL. Bethesda should be fun on the 25th, and do you know why? Cause I will be trying my best to hump that place in to submission. That's right, the whole damn town. But, for those that want to see the humping, I plan on starting in the Hyatt and working my way outside after I'm done with the comedy show. I still don't know who else in on with me but I'm sure that it will be a line-up that will shake the world. The world. Maybe if I'm funny enough Curt will e-mail me back about other things. I'm gonna keep my fingers crossed. And let me give you a little history about the Hyatt and myself. In July I went there to do a little 10 min. set the week before I was supposed do the 20 min. ACTUAL set. The hotel (people) had already seen a tape of me and O.K.'d it. But, apparently there was a little too much mention of rape and they didn't want me. By mention of, I mean I said it once, and yeah I find rape hilarious and try to end at least half of my sentences with a zinger involving rape. So, I layed low like I was asked and now I can come by and do this thing like I couldn't have back then. And no, I have no plans of joking about rape when I go back.
Since this is my blog, allow me to pose a question. I don't want this to sound wrong, so please know that I hold anyone who runs a room or has started one in high regards. "Does running a room mean that you now have the right to be as rude and condescending to anyone you feel?" Here is why I ask... I read Danny Rouhier's blog last week and he had a lot of nice things to say. I love Curt, and we all know that he's never gonna answer his phone, we just live with it. This is not about him, the question is for us all. I do not have or run a room. Everyone's response to a gripe about a room is generally "then why don't you run a room!" Why is that the response to any situation. There are rooms that are run very well in this area. But, whenever I here someone throw out the phrase, it makes me think less of them. Why be such a dick(referring to anyone that has used that) cause chances are that if you threw that phrase out, someone told you something you didn't like and that was the quickest thing you could think of to shut them up and win that battle. No one is perfect, but I've seen many a time when someone was wrong and used that to blow it off. Take an example from Rendevous, the one contact that I've made with them was smooth and easy. " Do you have room for me to come by on..." And you know what their answer was... It was yes. If it was no, all that people need to say is "I've got room for you..." See how simple that was. Rooms are started for the best of intentions so keep it that way. "You want me to know my entire schedule at the drop of a hat?!" No, whenever your sipping coffee on your schedule, at your convenience, get back to me. How simple is that. It would be great to know that when I left the house, it's not a crap shoot. And shit happens, yes I know. My point is simple, I'm not telling people how to run their rooms cause I don't have one nor do I know every aspect of what they do. But, there is a reason that not everyone is running a room. I can't so I don't. If someone is considering starting one, and you actually care about anything that I've said, I have a few suggestions. They're gonna seem crazy but stay with me.
1) Answer your E-mails within a weeks time
2) Be friendly(why I have to point this one out, I have no idea)
3) Keep your frustrations hidden, cause that comes with the territory
4) Be fair and keep personal opinions out of the picture
5) We all start somewhere, but somehow you have to make it a room that COMEDIANS flock to and people wanna go have a laugh.

Your mission is not an easy one by any means but that is why not everyone does it. Have fun with this stuff. And like I said, this was really about no one person. Just a series of stuff that I've seen over the past year that all came tumbling into the blog as I struggled fill a page. Feel free to comment and let me know how you feel. I love everyone and I will talk to you all in the morrow'...

Mission: Un-do-able

That title is honestly the cheesiest attempt at a play on words that I hope anyone ever has to see from me. But, moving on...(and now for those of you unfamiliar with the dual personality monologue, say hello!) I'm well. How are you? I'M FINE. Been a while. YEAH, TOO LONG. Did you turn off the television before you left home? YEP, BUT I DID NOTICE THAT YOU LEFT YOUR COMPUTER ON. Did you get it? NAH. Dick. Britney Spears just filed for divorce and - NO ONE CARES, ESPECIALLY ME. NEXT SUBJECT. Fine, I just thought that since the world seems to care I would mention it. WELL YOU DID AND I'M A LITTLE MORE BORED BECAUSE OF IT. I'LL PICK THE TOPIC: FIRST 3 FEMALE DC COMICS THAT POP INTO YOUR HEAD. GO. Erin Jackson, Jessica Paquin, and Aparna. OKAY, ANY REASON FOR THOSE THREE. They're funny and I see/talk to them more than any other female comics. I should mention that Cassy(hope that's her name) is BEAUTIFUL. Please don't cut me off, but yes. OKAY, SHALL I PICK AGAIN. Go ahead man. OKAY, LET'S DO SOME QUICK WORD/NAME ASSOCIATION. okay, go... Cassy- FINE, Justin Schlegel- TOO FUNNY NOT TO BE THE ANTI CHRIST, Rory Scovel- COME HOME, Mumma- ROCK STAR REINCARNATE, Aparna- TOO GOOD FOR US(OH< BUT ONE DAY...), Andy Haynes- BARNEY'S KID THAT GREW UP AND GOT BITTER, Jim Elliott- EFFORTLESS HILARITY, Tyler S.- A DO-ER, Ryan Conner- BLESSED, The Great Bird Knight- SEXUALITY, Joe Robinson- R RATED MOVIE WITH A PREVIEW THAT'S PG, Jessica Paquin- COOL GUY, Jermaine Fowler- SURPRISE, Jimmy Meritt- TEACHER, Leslie Cooley- TOO FUNNY TO BE JUST BE MRS. MERITT, Erin Jackson- LOOKS LIKE MOM, Seaton Smith- ME, IF I WAS COOLER?, Marcus Brown- TOO FUNNY FOR ME TO CALL HIM DOO DOO, and lastly, what do you think of Tyler Richardson- ...GAY? I DON'T KNOW I'M YOU. And, no, I'm not gay. I KNOW. Aren't you glad that Gears of War will be out later today? OF COURSE, WE HAVE EVERYTHING THAT WE'LL NEED TO GET A GOOD TIME GOING TONIGHT. Beer- CHECK, Weed- DOUBLE CHECK, smokies- CHECK, a little porn- A LITTLE CHECK, and the game- CHECK BACK AT 2:00 pm. I'm gonna put a really good game photo on the blog once I do something that blows my mind. I KNOW, YOU'RE A GEEK. Well now I'm a geek who's leaving. Bye everyone and I'll hopefully have something great to write about tomorrow. See you in the future...

Evil blog #112...

Well here we are again and I'm in great spirits. Mostly cause I taped the drug thing last night and I get excited whenever people(or 1 person) watch something that I made. It's not a huge deal to them, but to think that they would blow a few of the mindless minutes at work watching something I did... it just makes me smile a little bit that's all. I saw the line-up for the DC Improv competition this month, and it had a lot of people that were right there with me in February. I'm not bitter by any means cause I didn't think I would be ready til' at least December, but I think I will have to find my way there cause I wanna see who wins. I'm not really big on competitions but one of the people that went with me could win and I can only imagine what that will be like for them. I need to see that look on their face and give myself something to reach for.
I read Jimmy Meritt's blog today( the one that teaches new people like me how to get work at clubs) and it was very educational. Even though I've gotten some work, it can only help to find out what other people are doing and see if that helps me. I can't even get respect when I'm standing right in front of people let alone when I'm on the phone. Not with this high pitched voice.
Gears of War came out today. I did not get my copy. Not my fault. Apparently, a shipment that was supposed to go to the store where I pre-ordered it, had a mistake. So now I just wait til' tomorrow and pray that I don't die of anxiety. It's gonna be close. Now I have nothing to look forward to today and thus, there will be Taco Bell. It helps when you're feeling down. By the way, I recently had a MALE break up with my friend Bill. He is the subject of a couple of my sets about a friend that has done way to many drugs to function in society. This break up has given me yet another set to get to work on. It was very awkward for me, especially since he's a guy, but everything reminded me of a couple splitting and it was very hard to hold back laughter. Won't give too many details that way I might surprise you with what direction I take this in. That's the goal for me... I don't want to shock, but I don't want people to think that they can finish a joke of mine without hearing the whole thing. I believe that one of the few compliments that I can give myself is unpredictability. Maybe, just maybe, when I do get to step onstage at the Improv again, I'll be able to walk off with something more than slumped shoulders.... like ummm pride. Yeah. Later people.

A public service announcement...

There will be a blog later but let me show you the photos that I took. There is a video to go with this that I need to finish editing. The Roomies are now expanded and thus deserve a new name... Riding with Strangers. It wasn't my idea, but we hope that you like the video anyway. Here are the photos and when you do see the tape you'll understand what your looking at a bit more.

With a weekend like that.....

Well, I had a great weekend and I'm buzzin' off that right now. Let's start with Saturday night. I went to the Laughing Lizard with my Nelson, and my Kevin. It was cool and thank you to Tyler S. for allowing me to jump on the stage and get some more of this new shizzy off my chest. I keep writing lately and can't wait to see if it's funny. Plus, I was going to 9:55 and wanted to see if this stuff could fill in some of that time I would be doing. The response was(by my scale) a 8 maybe even 8.5, and hopefully once I've done the material several times I'll get it just right. There were a lot of funny comics there so let's roll through the list:
Seaton Smith
John McBride
Cassy
Tyler S.(the ringmaster)
Leslie Cooley
Marcus Brown(I'm not gonna say the other part of the name)
Zach T.
and the man with an ass like "steel".... Chris Doucette
so it was a lot of fun. If you were there, you got a special glimpse of the waitress that normally comes in. You know the one that looks like she's 10. Well apparently she was high on PCP or something cause she came in there and cackled her way through the better portion of the show and made it a little weird. A first it was hilarious and then after like 25 minutes of her laughing harder than any person should, I pitied her and wanted to tell her things that would change her life around. I did not because, "I don't know that girl". But it was sad. I hope she makes it to 21. Let's move on to Sunday shall we...
So yesterday I set out to Richmond and was featuring at the 9:55. It was cool and the crowd was exactly how they were last time. They were open to what I had to say and I was able to tell a couple of stories that strung together very nicely. They listened and were right with me the entire time. I dug that and I got the chance to do some more of the new stuff and a couple bits that I dusted off. I had a ball and kicked it around there for a little before driving back home. I met a great comic named Neil Constantine who's material was great. I really dug the fact that he looked like a beatnik. I think that somebody's got to wear the look, and damnit, he did it well. Allow me to share some of the happenings while I was there. I was in this Diner which was literally around the corner from where I used to live in VCU. I had never been before and was meeting my buddy Jason and his ambiguous F*CK buddy. After sitting down and chatting I look to my right and see a young asian guy sitting at a table full of young men who happens to be applying lipstick and I stared hard. My mouth was open and I had a look on my face like that whole thing was new to me. I don't know why I looked like that but when I focused my eyes on the world around me I noticed that the whole table was looking at me.(Whew that was a long sentence) They were kinda giving me the same look I was giving him and then I noticed that now Jason and Caly were looking at me too and so... I closed my mouth and turned around. It was awkward. That is all. I ran into a group of young guys that were dressed in Blue Blazers, I shit you not. They looked straight out of a Docker's ad, and when I saw them this is what I said "You guys look like your ready for a fight!" They instantly knew I was joking and we talked our way across the street into a 7-Eleven. It was a coincidence that they were headed there too cause I was getting some cigarettes. We talked for a while and then I left my new Docker's ad friends. And they were actually pretty cool and funny guys. My guess is that they were pledging. Well then I got home at about 1:45 am, and had one of the worst pee incidents ever. I didn't have to go to the bathroom until almost the second I stepped out of my car. When that happened, I felt it hit and knew I wasn't gonna make it. But I tried, and had my arms full of stuff. I got to the door then had to literally pinch the top and drop my stuff. I bolted up the stairs to my apartment and when I let go of my top... I was peeing. It was completely out of nowhere and in my head it was like an action film cause I really didn't want to pee on myself but for the first time sober, there was a good chance that this could happen. Well, tonight it will off to Soho. I hope to see you guys there and I'll talk to you tomorrow. Gears of War in just two more days...

As the drama unfolds...

My anti-drug campaign will start within the next day or so( just problems with hetero mate Nelson's schedule) but until that begins, allow me to dazzle you with a tale(I'm going to TRY to make this rhyme{in my head anyway})...

On a mountain made of sand and stone sits a very peculiar lion. His name is Gob and he's 20 years old with a mane as black as I am. On this good day he decided to stay, and let the others go hunting. He'd sit there a while, and gather a smile cause it's easy to catch a monkey. Laziness was Gob's only friend and his role in the pride was fading. But he had a plan to get it all back and maybe more than he came with. See while the pack hunted he knew of some humans that set up camp when the rain hit. So Gob went on over and with naughty intentions to take over the throne of the lions. First there was a meeting, with power and points and lots of talk that means pretty much nothing. Then a bargain was reached and humans set out with the help of a devious lion. The pack was so tired they could harldy hear Gob as he loaded his .38 snub. Cause if they had they would have ran, but still gotten taken out bub. Gob saved the leader of the pack for last cause that's what great villains do, just to catch the last look in his eye. And when it was time, Gob plucked out his eyes and sent screams into the night. Gob took his throne but still wanted more so politics were next on the menu, "If you don't agree with one of my decisions.... I'll kill you" and he hopes he can depend on you.

I was bored. Work with me people. Sunday Richmond. Monday Soho. Wednesday Gears of War. Thursday Topaz. See ya around.

Well Thursdays are for thinking...

That means absolutely nothing. But it was the first thing that came to my mind and so, as I do everyday, I went with it. Last night was not the night it should have been for me. I was supposed to sit in rush hour traffic and get to the Richmond FunnyBone for the open mic that they have there. But, I called and they told me that I was still an alternate. I called a couple of weeks ago and someone told me that I was getting on, but luckily I decided not to trust them and check again. He was wrong. So I had to skip that trip. Still doing the 9:55 club on Sunday though. I really don't get to hold a microphone for more than 15-20 minutes when I'm on a stage so I'm looking forward to pacing myself and exploring things. Part of me wants to spend the first five minutes silent and see how well I can do off facial expressions and the pure comedy of an awkward silence. Gotta love those. The highlight of my day was when I found out that I no longer need to mail back videos for blockbuster online. Apparently, now you can take them to the store and it works just the same as it did before except no waiting two days for your movie. I love that and I still get my free in-store movie rental every week. Priorities people, priorities.
Thinking about groveling at Topaz tonight but maybe I'll venture to one of these new open mics and see what all this hoopla is about. Gotta be something to it. I've decided that every week I will be giving my own award for: "The dad with the best genes AWARD!" Basically means that there'll be an intermission in one of my sets where I find out the name of an attractive girl's father. Should be a treat for the world... the world. Fathers who produce an exceptional product rarely get their dues' and it's about time that we should them we appreciate the sap that drops from their waist. Thank you. Laters...