Pink Cookies in a plastic bag, gettin' crushed by buildings

Just a little reminder for those of you that still have love for James Todd Smith. So, the other day my girlfriend's mother had a bit of a HEART ATTACK. Since I've gone through ALL of the drama that comes with interracial dating, it was a bit weird for me. I have no shame in saying that I hate this woman. I believe that if the shoe were on the other foot, she would let her hatred be known to the world too. The problem is that I'm supposed to be that shoulder to cry on, yet my hatred won't let me say anything that is nice. So I keep my mouth shut. I sympathize for my girl because if my mother were going through this, I would want her to pay me the same respect. It sucks not being able to crack the usual jokes about her, cause I got a million of em'. And make not mistake, I've literally heard this woman call me everything but a child of God.
So, yesterday I made my way to the Topaz bar to get a little bit of stage time. The guy at the parking garage was a dick and made me park my car in the middle of the lane(instead of in the garage) and run and get cash from the ATM, instead of letting me just park and then get the money. Maybe I just appear broke to people on first meeting them? So, I was a smidgen late and wasn't supposed to get any stage time. Out of the goodness of Curt's heart he gave me a little time anyway and I have to thank STEVE DRUMM. Your my hero, you saved me and as I told him, "One day when your on some train tracks, I got you. I don't care what Snidely Whiplash is talking about, I GOT YOU DOG!" It was great though. Even if I didn't get on for a little, it was like the majority of the DC/MD/VA comedy scene was there and for once I felt like I belonged. Everyone is so nice that you can't help but feel great about being a part of this scene. I can't say enough nice things about all of the comics in our area. I even got a brief sensual hug from one Joe Robinson. Don't think I forgot it JOE. I managed to parlay a spot in the Comedy Spot open mic on Sunday(by parlay I mean that Curt asked me if I'd like to do it), and got a little buzz going too. By the way, Rory is an alien. That's just our little secret though(he knows....Maybe). Well, hopefully I'll get the chance to jump on stage a few more times before I open for Kyle Groomes next weekend. I'm really excited about that and since I rarely go to Baltimore, I get to see the sights for a weekend. LOVING IT! Til' later......Ciao Babies.

DCUP

The show on Saturday night was a blast! The audience turn out was decent, though I think they all knew one of us. And, it was nice having laughter fill in the spots where it wasn't. During the rehearsal there is no one laughing so you just assume your so funny that it would have gone "right there". Took me a game or so to get into the swing of things, but once I got that first one out of the way it was smooth sailin'. I am defintely glad I'm the only black guy. People are waiting for me to break into ghetto character or sing like Wayne Brady and they get neither. HA! I do kinda wish that I had the chance to catch the Laughing Lizard show if just to see the return of JAMES JONES. Yeah, I'm ridin' his nuts a little....I can live with that.
Joe Robinson: I hope that you read this Joe. You put a spell on me and now I can't help but laugh at everything you say(or write)you could insert into my girl and I could do nothing but giggle and say "Oh Joe". I couldn't help but laugh when you said my blog was angrier than yours then I thought...wait, maybe I do vent a lot in my blog. But, I've come too far to turn back. Here's to Joe and I tag teaming my woman! RESPECK.
I fell back in love with Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. I know I'm very late but let me explain. I bought it the day it cam out in Nov. 04', then played it for about two months. At this point every mission that I needed to beat was a little too hard for me so I put it away. Couldn't trade it cause of the stupid HOT COFFEE Mod, so it gathered dust. But, Saturday I decided to give it a shot. Well about 6 hours later I had made so much progress I was mad at myself for not having beat it a year ago. I haven't beat it but in two days I've cleared 50% of the game. To those of you that play it, you know what that means. And I realized that I have a huge liking for the members of N.W.A., normally I don't like West Coast rap...cept' the Game. But, listening to all that 90's gangsta rap reminded me of my childhood when I was a huge Ice Cube, Dr. Dre, and Snoop Doggy Dogg fan. Those were the days. Well, I gotta go but I feel compelled to say come to the Baltimore Comedy Factory June 1st-3rd, I'll be Emceeing for Kyle Groomes. There, I feel better, and sadly when that's done I don't really have anymore comedy plans except a Hyatt show in July. Til' now I've always had something to look forward to, so maybe I'll go bug the Jokes on Us comedy club RIGHT NOW.....

It's finally come....

So now I'm a year closer to worrying about kidney stones. That's special. And also, IT'S MALCOLM X's BIRTHDAY TOO! That seems weird cause I don't seem like a militant black man, but his autobiography was the first real book I ever read and I consider myself pretty knowledgeable on his life and have studied him(by choice) for most of my life. Don't give all the credit to Dr. MLK Jr., take a few minutes and learn something other than that one phrase. Might surprise you.....Back to funny then.
Last night was something, I bombed but probably had more fun at a comedy show(and after) than I've had to date. I got lost as usual but was exceptionally late so it was weird when I finally did arrive in Westminster. First off, let me say thank you and "Big Ups" to Super Bird cause he put that together and there were fine women as promised. The man stuck to his word and you know what? If I hadn't brought my girlfriend, maybe I gettin laid might be more than a dream(and I am a pussy who is faithful, for those that don't know). So, I get there and was so embarrassed by being late that I didn't really want to sit with the other comics cause I was literally about 1 hour too late to be fashionable. So I sat there like a child at a wedding and missed out on seeing Rob Maher it the stage. Though the audience kept erupting whenever monkeypussy was said so I assumed that he rocked it. I came just in time to see Joe Robinson for the first time and all the blogs that are singing his praises were right on the money. So then comes me.... I bombed. I felt bad about it, and this was funny to me so bare with me. Bird came out(since I was late, I was a special guest in between the feature and the headliner) and said "Alright, let's get the energy level back UP!" He didn't mean anything by it but I laughed to myself as soon as I heard that, cause I brought it down. A LOT. So then Ryan Conner comes up and though they still had some bad Tyler tastes in their mouths, he won'em back and despite so loud drunk women finished strong. By the way Jessica, yes, yes you were looking scrumptious last night. You don't forget a hot red head like that. Everyone was so nice that I felt stupid for not speaking to them earlier in the night. And my girlfriend was so impressed by all the comics that she slept with me even though I got us lost for the better part of FOUR hours. I also ate at Denny's for the first time in my life and what can I say, the stereotypes might be true. But who knows, it might not have taken an hour for the food to come if I sat in the car with my shackles like was to be expected. That's just a joke, our waitress was nice, and how's the cook just gonna cum on command? Should have sent him a picture of me naked to get him in the mood. Everyone had us in stitches and I felt like I should have paid for the conversation. I'm still crackin' up over Joe calling himself the Galloping Ghost!
Well, seeing as though it is my birthday(I'm 23) I'm gonna have a dinner and movie with my family and girlfriend. Not very exciting but I love'em. Let me remind anyone who cares that I have my first show with Improv troupe DCUP tomorrow night. I just got the list for all the games we're gonna play and I'm very excited. Looks like it's gonna be a lot of fun, and even though I'm new they included me just as much as everyone else. I dig that. The count of how many times I've watched Mel Brooks' The Producers is up to 4 now, and it's been a day and a half. It's like a good piece of taffy. Gotta go and I'll catch up with ya'll on Monday. CHILI COOKOFF IS TOMORROW....WHO'S COMING WITH ME!!!!!

Thursdays blog on Wednesday?!

Just cause I'm lazy and I know I might not get around to it.
Went to Dremos to get up on stage for the first time. It was cool, and the room was packed. I'm not used to having an audience and so that was a switch for me. The show was cool and I got to see some reaction to new jokes and stuff I've rewritten. Makes me feel good about going to Westminster tomorrow. And I only had one beer which is dare I say a first. I love to name drop so please bare with me.... Jake, Chris B., Tyler(and that clothesline IS coming), Andy Kline, and Ryan(BeastMaster). With that said I've done some deducing; apparently God doesn't like it when comics bash other comics when they have to go onstage later that night. I've come to that conclusion cause everytime that I hear someone, they proceed to get up and eat it. This might not always be true, but it has been everytime that I have witnessed it. And not that they would be reading this, but if you do have jokes to make about others, please whisper. I always have to hear it and it's awkward. I must give a huge bitch vibe, cause I know they know I hear it most times, but they continue. Next time(since I'm a coward and would never hit anyone, well not anyone) and just gonna let the juiciest fart I can get away with fly. They'll get the picture. It was so easy to get back from Dremos tonight that I feel mildly retarded. I get lost everywhere and I can't understand it, I'm a safe driver(unless your asking Tim Miller) but panic like I've stumbled across a Klan meeting everytime I read Mapquest directions. What to do?
I probably will write more tomorrow but needed to get this off the old chest while comedy was ripe in my mind. My birthday is only two days away and I would love to smoke(it's been over two weeks now) so I hope I don't give in to my fantasies. And lastly, I decided that I would try the cigarettes that Dave Chappelle was smoking just to be cool. That was a mistake. What's good for the goose isn't always good for the gander. It honestly feels like my teeth were instantly rotting out of my mouth and I thought one might just break off on the drive home. I've never felt that before and shant again. Never should have strayed from the Newports. In case your wondering they were the kind was that Indian brand. Don't know the name but they look like they came straight from a reservation. You know.... With that said I'm gonna go brush, floss, and Scope a couple of times. Might even set an appointment with my dentist, cause it's that bad. Ciao Babies

Curb your Enthusiasm!!!

I suck lately at blogging on a somewhat steady basis. Two reasons: Splinter Cell(whatever game you want to name cause I've played them all within the last week), and Curb your enthusiasm. I'm gonna quote the words of the famous Mel Brooks, "Something about this middle-aged, bald man is THRILLING!" That shit is so true. I literally watched it from 8 am til' 5 pm today. It's said, but damnitt it's true. Well I finally get to see how the open mics are at Dremos tonight. It's about time too. I've waited a while to get there. I don't know how people that aren't actually working in the area are getting on that list for more than one week, but I hate the taste of penis so I just have to wait. I feel like shit for not going to check out the Finals at the Improv last night. Not just to check out the who's who of the DC area, but to be supportive the way that I would want others to be. For that I apologize. Didn't even get laid last night either, and I have a woman(that's sad).
In case I didn't mention it I'm truly glad to see that JAMES JONES is back in the hizzy. I missed him and it's always good to see another black guy that talks from behind the gates of his gated community, GET IT. And he's funny as hell too. I look forward to seeing him perform the next time that we cross paths. Who knows, maybe he'll be at Dremos tonight and I'll get a treat.
It's sad that this week is my birthday and I feel numb. I'm generally a pretty beaming person for the holidays. And yeah, I count my birthday as a holiday. One that only I celebrate. Just wait til' Christmas time, I'm gonna be off the hinges. You'll see! Sometimes I have to step back and think about the fact that I haven't even been chasing this dream for a year yet. That's for all of us that are so impatient that we get down on ourselves for not accomplishing more. Sure, there are some that do great things right off the bat, like Rory, but then there are others who put a lot of time into it and when it pays off, it's great. I don't think that Jon Mumma just started doing this whole COMEDY thing, so even though I don't know the guy, he deserves it. And everyone else there won the competition at some point and with the exception of the the guy who stomped me, I think they all put in some time. Anyone else that feels low about where your at in this scene, I feel you( at least for right now ) and imagine what will be going through our heads a year from now? Someone will win the Finals next year, right?! Could be one of us. I look forward to that. I speak of the future a lot cause I suck at making new friends, especially when it's awkward and forced. Sometimes I feel like I have to be witty when I meet these other comics otherwise they won't tell their friends how funny I am. That's a shitty way to think but it's true. So I've just kinda stopped tryin'. It's easier for me to speak to the other comics who haven't really gotten anywhere yet and so I look forward to the day when we're the ones who are "cool". If you just judged me, FUCK YOU, but I think that most of you know what I mean. I hope. Here's to the new guys, and don't worry old guys "I'm not hatin' on you!" The sooner you all get famous, the quicker people will remember the new guys names....GET IT. I LOVE EVERYONE, CIAO BABIES!!!!

Splinter Cell!

I apologize for denying you part of your routine blogs. I know that when I'm bored I rely on the comic's blogs to eat some time at work. I'm sorry. I haven't really been up to much since we last met but I'm not feeling too funny right now. Allow me to introduce some funny things. Kicking and Screaming(just came On-Demand), my penis( cause it curves way to the left) and the House of 1000 corpses and it's sequel The Devil's Rejects. I know Rob Zombie would be proud of me, but I actually enjoyed those movies quite a bit. The trick is to set your expectations really low. Trust me, you'll love it then. I have a busy week for comedy ahead of me so I don't feel too bad about not getting out as much as I would have like last week. And hopefully by the end of the week I'll feel funny again.
On a different note, I have been harassing the Jokes on Us club in Laurel, MD for at least two months now. Allow me to give you some back story. When I was 18, I entered into what once was their open mic competition and won the first week. This was a long time ago and I can't even recall what I thought was a good set back then. So, the next week when I was scheduled to come back was my 19th birthday. FOUR long years ago. I took the advice of my mother and did a routine involving where I was during 9/11(which was raking leaves on a front house battalion) and it did not go over well. Maybe it was too soon to make jokes about how I didn't care or know anyone involved in the tragedy, and maybe IT JUST WASN'T FUNNY. So of course I bombed, and then something horrible happened. I had been aware that the guy hosting was the Fat Doctor, who's main credit is finding my idol, Martin Lawrence. Of course I wanted to impress him. I did not. As a matter of fact, I did so bad that he made fun of me all the way back to my seat and I never forgot that day. For a long time I was bitter and planned on giving him a piece of my mind if I ever got good enough. Now, I just want the chance to redeem myself and prove that I'm not the same kid that I once was. I call constantly, which is more than once almost every day. When I finally do get a chance with them I'll be sure to let everyone know. That will be a milestone for me. Only because that will finally be a chance to correct what I set wrong so long ago. As it stands now, I still have yet to get in touch with the owner, and so I continue. But that's what comics do right?
I look forward to seeing anyone who will be at Dremos on Wednesday since that will be the first time I've been able to get on the list, and then the week truly gets rolling for me. DCUP show on Saturday, not sure how much they'll let me do but I'm IN THERE! I will be doing this a lot more frequently so don't stop looking for my posts and to those of you that have befriended my on MYSPACE, Thanks! To anyone reading who hasn't, "It's a little embarrassing to only have 30 friends" help a nigga out. Damn. I'll talk to you all later and Ciao Babies!!!!!

Short sentences for short people

Doing myspace now. Just showered. It's about 3:14 pm. That's nasty. Unemployed. Need I say more. Working on video for net. Hope it's funny. Funny implying that you laugh with me. Almost completely stopped smoking. Very pleased with that. Apparently people are reading this. Last week was huge. Compared to previously. Next week is a good week. For me. For comedy anyway. Still gonna be a bum. Sobriety continues. Looking forward to ending that. My cat shits in his cage. Thought they don't do that. Stinks. He should be a vegetarian. 24: the game is the shit. If you watch show, you'll love the game. Noticed a lot of people from Maryland are reading. Cool. They must have seen me bomb. Cool. Positive comment about the Comedy Dock: $5 DOLLAR PITCHERS. You can't beat that. MILLER LITE! C'mon folks. Caught up on a lot of movies. Final Fantasy 7 Advent Children. Great, but God I'm bored. Tyler vs. Tyler? Still coming. June something. Sexy. I need a haircut. I resemble Buckwheat. A little. Sorry this is short. Need to get on stage. I'll definitely be at Wiseacres tomorrow. I made a promise. Keeping it. Might go to Japone tonight. Never been. I miss seeing Norm Wilkerson. Need my fix. Sampson too. Oh and the lovely Jessica Paquin. I'll ride her coattails to success. That's our secret. Don't tell her. The thing I like most about not going by Deaven Richardson(which is my first name) is that I don't have to worry about people that I don't know anymore finding me. Just my comedy friends and the 20-30 people that I'm close to. I should wanna be popular, but...Nah. They'll be a better blog tomorrow. And if your reading this, yes, your my friend. All is right with the world. 'Cept for outside the USA. Ciao babies.

Been a minute

For those who were bored and looking for me to fill a good 30 sec., I apologize. It's been a weird week, from getting fired to "Comedy Dock", to just plain being unemployed. I gotta admit I've been pretty depressed and was thinking that I might need to take a little break, cause to be honest, my sense of humor isn't shining through my personality right now. Perhaps I even took the whole thing in Edgewater too seriously and acted like a dick?..... Nah, that was the stupidest thing I've ever said, moving on.
I was laughing at how ironic what I said to Jimmy & Eick was last Sunday. I was talking about how I was writing too much and didn't really find the time to get all this stuff off my chest, but now I don't really have a single fresh idea popping into my head. You don't know what you've got til' it's gone. My girlfriend stumbled across my blog yesterday and thought that I actually sat down and wrote the lyrics to the T.I. song I posted last week. For anyone that is like her and might be mildly retarded, I copy and pasted it. Don't get me wrong though, I'm still a geek and yes, I do have 90% of his lyrics from any album committed to memory cause "He's my favorite!"
Went by the Comedy Spot yesterday for a minute. You'll be happy to know that Bird Knight was looking SEXY!!! And for people who want to perform in front of an audience, there were a lot of people there well before the show got underway. Although something about a 13 year old telling me where to sit, WITH AUTHORITY, still chills me to the bone. But, for anyone who thought the place wasn't gonna draw, you might wanna check it out soon. Don't wait too long though, you never know....
I was going to go see Silent Hill yesterday but it wasn't playing in Ballston Commons Mall like I thought. It turns out there are two movie theaters in Arlington, who knew. So me and some friends went bowling. Fun stuff, since that was the first time that I got to meet my crew member Josh's fiancee. Big Deal. I've never been to a wedding before and now I'm a groomsmen. That Bachelor party is gonna be raunchy, I just know it.
I've been sober(WEED) for exactly one week and two days now. That's something. And apparently I'm doing okay cause I haven't robbed anyone or bought the biggest bottle of Robitussen DM I could find yet. If you know what that's about, YEAH MAN!
I saw Wolf Creek and Chronicles of Narnia. I'm not a paid critic but I'll still say that they sucked. Narnia wasn't that bad but( Does anyone remember the end of Saving Private Ryan, where the guy sat in the hallway and listened to that poor guy get stabbed! Were you going berserk in your seat like "Fucking do something!!!" Me too) the Saving Private Ryan experience describes a good portion of the movie. Those white kids weren't even cute. It made it hard for me to connect. Ugly cowards, and then there's Wolf Creek. I heard that this was better than Hostile cause it sucked, so why not see it right?... No, though the women were attractive, it suffered from "1980's white person in a horror movie plot" which I can describe with one scene. While a girl(who is trying to escape) is trying to find car keys, she stumbles upon the killer's personal items. With the killer closing in, she begins to WATCH A CAMCORDER that shows a family that is clearly dead. What do you think happened....
Well, I'll be seeing you guys throughout the week at open mics so "say hello" and I'll try to stop pitying myself and have a humorous blog for you guys this week too. Ciao babies.

Thursday with my baby

May 20th

I'm sorry, amidst all my angry bloggin' I forgot to plug the DCUP show at the Comedy Spot on May 20th. Starts at 10 pm and it should be a blast. And for those of you who aren't aware Jimmy Meritt and Leslie (Cooley) Meritt? will no longer be on the market that day. Best of luck guys and congrats again. But, if your not watching them consumate the marrige then it would be cool if you stopped on by. I just learned that Topaz is done after tonight. That sucks but hopefully Curt will come up with something. I'm not on the list but I'll probably try to find Bossa( the last time, I got horribly lost) I hear good things so I can't wait.

I thought hard about erasing that last post.......NAH!

For those of you that don't know me too well. I'm a huge T.I. fan. I think that this song just about sums up how I feel. And interesting enough it happens to mention a name that struck me as funny. See if you can find it. And for those of you that like the lyrics, GO PICK UP KING by T.I.

I'm talkin to yousucker nigga you can stunt all ya wanta stuntI know you won't bust a gun (Yeah I'm talkin to you)fuck nigga you can hate all you wanna hateI know you a fake-make no mistake I'm talkin to youyouz a lame uz a shame to the gameI say it you know what ya name is (I'm talkin to you)we can shoot it out whenever you wannawhatever you wanna do boi I'm talkin to you[T.I.]Ay I'm the best you ever heard about, fresher than you heard aboutyeah I'm strapped now pussy nigga this ain't just word of mouthfor niggaz wit dirty mouths, I got a lotta clean pistols to wash 'em outI'm really finna give yo ass some hotter shit to talk aboutthe goons hit the room now you askin what's this all aboutfo' you know it ya noggins split ya bottom teeth is fallin outgot a problem wit patna -I see him in the city and call him outit wasnt for the chopper ain't shit I'm gettin all of minepop 'em drop 'em call the plan a wake he out forever moreI give it to you straight nigga I don't need a metaphorhow many different ways is it to say I'm getting cheddar morea nigga twice as old way mo' popular need to set at allMan I just say it to my pops, maybe he could tell ya better boypatient in the afterlife I'll waste ya in the after lifeeven after my life haters be after my lifecuz I'ma do in 06 what took 'em half of they life, man I'm talkin to you[Hook][T.I.]I ain't talkin to Jeezy cause thats my brotherain't talkinto Face cause that's my fatherain't talkin to Bun cause that's my uncleain't talkin to Kast cause them ma patnasain't talkin to Jigga cause that's my nigga, the Real President cartergave me Diplomatic Immunity you and me why botherman all I gotta do is go buy a nigga a chargerand he only come in to offer he don't even wanna rob yayou done fucked up and started shit wit some real shit starteryou don fought with a chopper holla what it is patnayou better keep it proper you know what it is patnathis some lightwork ain't even gotta call godfatherMobsta, had the old phantom now the drop son3rd the king of cloverland, Slim thug is the boss sonPaul Wall made me the hardest grill I done bought forfor a 100 K ,a 100 carat paul don't wanna talk branigga wouldn't buck won't dare, you just talk toughdon't try to run from me now whatchu thought bra I'm talkin to you[Hook][T.I.]I ain't talkin to Buck cause he a real niggaain't talkin 2 Pimp cause he a trill niggaain't talkin 2 BG cause he like me, with old cases and will kill niggazI know you wannabe just like me since you got ya new record deal niggaBut I don't give a fuck if you like me no second diss ya not trill niggaya in ya video wearin white T that don't make you no dope dealer niggaBut I ain't talkin bout no bankhead, carver homes, no adamsville niggayou dealin wit a lil gorilla nigga10 mill later I'm still the niggaKiller Mike, Yung bloodz, David BannerBonecrusher they remember when y'all ain't feel a niggaHad it out with Chris he still my niggasat down,civilized talk about it like niggazso I ain't never been served get ya facts right niggafor this 40 cal make ya ass act right niggacoming against the king get ya stats right niggawanna talk about nigga, wanna be a hot niggagonna be a shot nigga, yeah I say'd it what nigga buck niggalike Lil Jon I don't give a fuckI give a God damn if I never sell another millaI take my ass right back to sillahillabillacompound come down everyday sell yayJust like the old days stack another mill upniggaz ain't ready for the dust that we kick upgo talk shit forget they get hit upYou better be bout that shit you kickLike DipSet bitch you trynna get wit usI don't Politic, don't even speak see I don't kiss upgotta be styles and sheek Jada diss usdiss us...that's goin piss us..see I love it when the government pick niggazif you don't hang in the air by the name a swizz beatstold mannie fresh he the skateboard P Clay J-G and Just Blaze taking basically I'm talkin 2 you

Kevin Lee....fuckin' faggot!

I have nothing to say about the Comedy Dock experience other than fuck them. I am very aware that other comics have done well there and I am sorry to put down a club that they might perform in, but I can't lie. I am perfectly okay with bombing, and that is not why I took the shot. I decided to let you all know how I feel because it's my blog and I personally don't like him or the club. Fuck what anyone thinks. He hit on my girlfriend and the crowd was a piece o' shit. Then almost all the motherfuckers who heckled me, were pussies and apologized even though they fucked up my whole set. FUCK'EM.
I am not a fan of people that do the same old shit, and that is what I saw when I went to the Comedy Dock this Wednesday. There were a few exceptions to the rule: like Eric Shun, Sonny Fuller, and Jay the Chameleon. To answer any questions, YES, I did bomb! But, I've bombed before. Not that big a deal to me. But tonight I felt a whole different type of feeling when I left that club. I will never even consider going back. Not like Wiseacres, even though some people may have talked shit about me....(like I don't know who the fuck you are.) And I'm sorry to all the good comics that killed there and may not understand where I'm coming from. I took tonight on a personal level and not because it wasn't. Sure, I was interuputed! A LOT. But the whole thing seemed like a 4-year-old could have produced a more professional open mic. I will gladly put on a better show as soon as the opportunity arises. TYLER VS. TYLER! I made it a point not to get into petty shit like this, but I felt so strongly that I just don't care. So, Kevin Lee, FUCK YOU, your a shitty host( that's right I fuckin' said it you piece of shit that hits on other comedians girlfriends while they are on stage at YOUR show) FUCK COMICVIEW you hack black vs. white fucks, and to hell with Becky for letting you in her restaurant. This may never get to his eyes but I hope it does. Just know that I found you unoriginal and certainly unfunny. Sorry Jimmy, Seaton, Erin Jackson, and every other good comic that will be perfoming there. I may not be shit, but I still have an opinion.

Did I lose my job or did someone take it from me.

So yesterday I got fired....

I had this job for over two years and was a little shocked when the whole thing went down. My manager was a friend. And I truly believe what he told me, and that he thinks he was doing the best thing for me. He told me to follow my dreams and gave this great speech on focus. I was naturally pissed cause I'd just been fired, but I think he thought he was doing what's best for me. Though we may never speak again( cause he did fire me!) I knew that this day would come. I was hoping that it would be when I was actually a somebody in this area, but it doesn't matter. I've already gone on a couple of interviews that show promise, and aren't invloved in sales. I don't ever want to go back to sales again. And they pay better too. With less hours, it's a win win. Since he was a friend, I'm gonna assume that he'll read this to check on me: "Brian thank you, and though I'm still a little angry I know you think you did what was right, and I can only hope it was so that I don't spend the rest of my life as a salesman". Cause that shit sucks!
Went to Richmond with Jimmy Meritt and John Eick. Thank you both for having me, and I gotta tell you guys that I had a hell of a time. I'm a pretty large geek, though some of you might not know, but those guys shared some interests that made the whole day more fun. We ended up eating at a Little Caesar's that was near my old dorm room. Since we weren't all that hungry we ended up giving a couple slices and some soda away. The funny thing about giving food to a bum is that you have to assume he's a bum first before you offer. So we did, and then he said something along the lines of "Can I have a cigarette to go with this?" I turned and John had taken the Crazy Bread further from him cause we agreed that it was off limits to the recipient. Jimmy and I stood there and then I asked what he said again. I thought he asked if there was more food, what he really said struck me as ironic. I just finished telling Jimmy about how whenever a bum asks me for a cigarette, that's like asking me for 30 mintues of my time. So for the first time, I lied to a bum and LOVED IT.
I had a great time at the 9:55 club and got to try out all-new material(with the exception of the Kwanzaa joke, cause for some reason that one always works even though I'm not a huge fan of it) and it did well. I look forward to going back. Since I only did like 7 min. I enjoyed watching John,Jimmy and the other two showcases that went on Sunday. The audience was great and the show was just as fun to watch as it was to perform for a second.
Along the same lines, my girlfriend took my firing suprisingly well. I'm glad that I'm too committed, and too much of a coward to speak to the blonde girl at the bar who was as fine as they come. I know I made the right decision. Assuming that she was staring at me all night cause she was into me. But she was fine though. Perhaps I will marry my woman, cause it's certainly been long enough. By the way, Good luck and congrats to Jimmy & Leslie, getting married on the 20th of May. That's the day after my birthday, and they're both so nice that I couldn't even ask them for money. No really, I wish you guys the best lives ever, and one day we'll maybe we'll all be sittin' around a table discussing the russian hooker we killed....on accident?! Gotta go, cause being unemployed is busy times, Love ya.
By the way, the new Tool album is the shit! Didn't get the new Pearl Jam album, but I did build a time machine and set it to 1992 so I can go back to when people appreciated them, and they didn't suck.
-CIAO BABIES