Sampson's Blog entry....

I was reading Sampson's entry earlier and it gave me reason to write anything today. I think that we've all been through the experiences that he is talking about and though it may not seem like it, we care. I personally like Sampson and he was the one of the first people to acknowledge me as a person when I started this crazy ride. I think that we all get a little down on ourselves when we make a show matter. I'm not preaching cause I didn't place in the DC Improv competition that I went to. I realize that it will be another year before I get the opportunity to go back but now I'm okay with that. I think my problem was that I saw it as my only way "in" and I needed to rock the house in order for anyone to see me as funny. I drew first up and that completely ruined my mode, and my material wasn't really up to the standard I've set for myself now. I'm sure that standard will change a lot since I haven't even been doing this a year. I got easily frustrated at first when I saw people who started around the same time as me getting a lot further ahead than I saw myself in the next year. "I" looked at this whole thing way too competitively. But, now I think that as long as I keep writing and meeting all the comedians in the area, I'll get to the level I want eventually. Cause I'm sure that every new person has heard it, but "the best way to get more work around this area, is to get to know the other comedians in it." Everyone is nice, and more than supportive so that advice is easy to follow. I keep expecting people to be dicks because of their status in this community, and each time they prove me wrong. Example: I read Danny Rouhier's blog everyday. I had not actually met him, but was a little skeptical to say hello, and tell him that I thought his set last night at Dremos(which he said he tanked, but from watching it he was as close to killing as it might get for the crowd that was in attendance), but he was a pleasant normal guy. I'm not saying that we had a conversation, but I would feel welcome to ask a question or start a convo the next time I saw him. Everyone has been cool. Let me applaud a few: RYAN Conner(exactly what his act implies; professional, nice, and more than willing to share his advice) Rory Scovel(before I even met him, he reached out and spoke first, I dig the hell out of that. And if there is any act that I would want to copy it would definitely be his) Tim Miller (that's my dog, and yet another of the first to speak to me) and Jimmy Meritt (Jimmy is just cool and reading his blog was as close to education on comedy for newbies that you can get. Go back to the beginning and start, you'll find a breakdown of almost everything a new comic in this area has ahead of them. His blog has been more helpful to me than a lot of other material I've seen online). Something else I really enjoy in this area about meeting comics in "the x factor". You never know who will be the next star or an actual touring comedian. Even if you personally think they suck, who knows? They could change, they might be funny to someone important, or they might just bust their ass and perfect their craft. I dig the hell out of that, and have a few people in my head that I think "Man it would be cool if one day we were sittin' in some club in Boise, Idaho talkin' about DC and when we were earnin' our dues. Sorry if that implies I would be a professional also, but I do have confidence ya know! I will be so ready the next chance I get to perform on the Improv stage, I think it will be a different experience for me, and knowing some of the comic in attendance might help too. I like the thought of someone out in the crowd rooting for you to do well. You know what I'm talkin' about. So Sampson, I feel exactly where your coming from, with the exception of the testing(you need to read his blog), and we'll laugh at that entry soon I'm sure. Ciao babies and anyone going to Richmond this Sunday should be prepared. Your gonna get some Richardson, little bit more Eicks, and we're bringing it on home with some Meritt just like you like it. Okay so for real this time.....CIAO BABIES!

So long Mr. Socks....

So Monday night I tried to go to Soho and got lost on the way. So since I wasn't in the mood for being lost I gave up right away. When I returned home I found that my favorite cat had left and that wasn't something he normally does. I was distraught.
I spent yesterday in a little bit of a sad mood cause of Mr. Socks leaving. Then I had to get in the right mind set for DCUP rehearsal. So I put that aside for a moment. DCUP rehearsal was fun and since Leslie Cooley was there I didn't have to feel out of place, cause we both were in a way. But the people there were all cool and we played a lot of fun games. I can't wait to put on an actual show next month and see everything when it's faster and there's laughter. It's hard to get those people to laugh. They just chuckle at gold, but I'll forgive them. Soon. I came home and my girlfriend told me that her mom went into the woods(cause she's fuckin' crazy) and found our cat and he was dead. That really got to me and I thought that I was a rock. I've seen people freak out when their pets die or something and swore never to act like that. I didn't really show it, but I missed him a lot.
Then I woke up this morning. I went outside to get something from my car and thought I heard a cat crying. Socks would cry everytime he wanted something so I recognized it right away. I followed the best I could and what did I find. Socks was unharmed and took him back inside and gave him a bath. When I first thought he was gone I told myself that it was for the best and he would have a lot of adventures. I watched him stare out at the world from my place for a long time and I figured that he finally wanted to just go for it. Now that I have him back he'll never be able to escape again though. I hope to go to Dremos tonight with some new shizzy, and tomorrow I want to hit up Topaz and Friday who knows, I may even go support Jimmy "the hitman" Meritt at the Geeks of Comedy Tour. Gotta go everybody, and remember, Ciao babies!

Truckload of new material

Yet again, I can't wait to unveil more of this new stuff but I say that all the time. My girlfriend normally hates my stuff but I had her got through a lot of my new stuff and tell me what she liked. Guess what, she liked a lot of them. Doesn't really matter, but that's a start that every new joke needs to get to stardom. Or so Jesus said. Planning on going to Soho so anyone that will be there, say hello. It was a weird experience last week but I don't plan on hosting tonight so hopefully it will be a good set assuming I get on the stage. I finally get to rehearse for DCUP tomorrow so I'm also excited about that. Although I don't know what to wear for Improv so I'm gonna end up spending 30 minutes putting together an outfit that says "I don't care what I look like" that should be fun. Wednesday I'm planning on Dremos and Thursday should be Topaz if I do this thing right. Sunday I go to Richmond for 9:55 so I'll get to see the wonderful Jimmy Merritt on stage with John Eicks. Then I just got a little guest set at Westminster in MD. That's May 18th, the day before my birthday, and Ryan Conner will be performing so I look forward to seeing that show. (Miller Lite is great tasting and less filling) That was a subliminal message. Hope it worked. It did didn't it. Here's to the night and be on the look out. Tyler vs. Tyler is coming and I'm going to try and ensure it will be everyone at their funniest. I'll keep you posted on that or visit TDCPresents.com to find out more as it unfolds. I'll have a short film ready by the end of the week that I've been writing down, I think people should enjoy it. (Free your mind and the rest will follow)(Miller Lite) Okay, so I'll be hitting that dusty trail, and if you haven't checked out Jimmy's blog of his weekend with Mr. Nealon, please do. I got excited for him just reading about it. Since he was the first blog that I stalked when starting out, I live through his experiences in a creepy Single White Female sort of way. Ciao Babies.

4/20

By the way, if you ain't celebrating, you should be. (seriously, I don't see what the big deal is. It's just another day........to smoke all day!) Live it folks, live it.

Sick & Soho

Well everytime I venture out to Soho something terrible happens. Monday was to be no different. Only way that I was getting onstage was to host, so, host it was. Got lost as usual and got there about 15-20 minutes after I wanted to. My main goal whenever I'm hosting an open mic is just to take it easy cause it's on open mic. But out of my need to be cool for everyone I never want to seem like a dick or like I might be ego trippin' over something like that. Needless to say it's pretty easy to upset people and get seen in that light. Not saying that happened, I just had that on my mind when people were approaching me. I know that hosting is necessary but I still don't like it yet. I have trouble being COMMANDING and then expecting the audience to laugh at me a second later. But I guess that will come. I also notice that anytime I host I'm so preoccupied with everything that I'm never funny. ever. It sucked on Monday cause I didn't even look over exactly what new stuff I wanted to try that day. I only remembered one of the things I really wanted to get off my chest, but it did okay compared to the rest of my stuff. Well I guess I might as well say that after this one new comic dashed off the stage I took a bump. I just remember looking up and seeing her gone, then I started to jog. Before I knew it I was bouncing off the ground cause I tripped over the stage. This would be the most laughter I could muster up all night. The crowd didn't seem all there but there were a few that stood out and controlled the place regardless. Chris Doucette being one of them(now the score if 2-1, he knows). I went home that night and came across a rude little McDonald's encounter. I went to the drive through and said hello like 10 times, politely. Then, assuming there was no one there I drove up and saw two cars waiting at the window. So I tried to reverse. I say tried cause I didn't want to scrap my wheels on the curb while I did that, but I failed. So now I was pissed and start yelling like a lunatic at the person in the box. He comes over calmly and asks me if I can wait. I say yeah and then get into a long conversation over how rude it was that he didn't respond and just ignored me. I wanted to write a letter, but I'm too lazy to ever send it. So then I get the food and felt stupid about that all night. I looked but I'm still certain that he cam or spit in our food. Luckily I got the McNuggets so I was safe but part of me cared about my girl's food too. Part of me.
In conclusion, I didn't get to go really anywhere else this week cause I've been having serious allergy problems and wouldn't even be worth watching. But, I might get the chance to head out this weekend and see/maybe participate in some comedy. Ciao babies.

Just Writin' and Shit

Hello again, How are you (good) and how was your weekend? (nice I guess but I didn't really celebrate, bought a playboy though) oh, that's sad. You know you wack it a lot for someone who has a girlfriend (yeah, but she doesn't take the time to caress and ask questions) and we always do don't we? (of course) (hey do you think people will get that we're having a conversation with ourselves or just think your assuming that they would jerk it) Nah, they knew.
Not a lot to say today but I will gush for a moment. I am genuinely excited about this material that I wrote this weekend. Everything just felt right and hilarious( it better be) or not, I think the sets that I wrote are more my voice and sense of humor than anything thus far. I really hope to continue and that people like it. But if I may speak as an unbias fan of comedy, I gotta tell you it's f-ckin hilarious. I'll give you the topics and see what you come up with and maybe if we run into each other we'll find that great minds think alike.
Sets: A piece of paper, Sports are an alcoholics best friends, U.S.A is rape crazy,Un-everything, and lastly "Yakkidy Smackidy".

I will admit that the last one is a throwback to Tazmania for those of you fans that still hunger. I do.(seriously, he used to cry after every episode ended) I will be trying to get on SoHo's stage tonight so we'll see how that goes and I'm really excited about the DCUP practice tomorrow cause I enjoyed myself too much for it to have been free! And Leslie Cooley will be there so I don't even have to pretend to be shy. Lovin' it! Ciao Babies.

So I was in the bum's grasp!.....

I was determined as hell to make it on a stage last night, and I am proud to say "Mission Accomplished". I got lost several times before the show and was late as hell. But I made it and got on the stage, and didn't do half bad while I was up on the MIC. Shout outs to Aparna(hope I spelled that right), Chris Barylick, Marshall Henry, and Hampton(of course I couldn't forget the atheist. And yeah, I am hung up on it Hampton). We held it down in the back last night and I wish I could remember the name of the new asian guy that I talked to for awhile. Sorry, but your probably not reading this anyway, so.....
I leave the hotel after the night is done and get asked by a bum if I have a cigarette. Of course, since I just put the pack in my pocket from freshly lighting one, I couldn't say no. But any time that happens the bum might as well ask me if I have 20 minutes to spare instead. I'm not good at rudely ending conversation so I try to find a polite way out. I wish I was ruder, and more muscular. So he begins to tell me a story trying to encourage me to stick with comedy(even though I never really said I needed an inspirational speech) and that he was a prize fighter a long time ago... 10 minutes later. Then he tells me that he grew up trying to be a gangster and so that means he sold drugs and "took a lot of niggas lives." I put a period on that because he talked about it as though he was the BTK killer. I was troubled, but too high to show it. I was having a little trouble with the fact that these things happen to me way too much and wondering if anyone would give me a way out. Once he confessed to a stranger that he was a killer out on the streets he began to go into more detail. I think he could see my eyes darting all over the place and tell that I was not a killer too. Then it finally happened. After telling me about the drugs that he fell into he brought it all back around by telling me how much talent this area has and what that means for a black kid like me. A hero steps up and gives me a break. It appeared as though this rich looking guy and his hot group of girls were watching us and laughing from across the street. I wondered for how long but didn't speak. Mid-sentence he asked the bum if he was gonna get the crap off his windshield. The car wasn't even brought around yet. The guy looked at me and I bolted away. The bum had finished with me and as soon as the rich guy spoke I was forgotten. Did I mention that he was missing almost all of the teeth on his bottom row. That's a really big deal for me. Really. It's distracting. Well, don't know what I'll do with tonight, but I'm thinking of hitting up the Zig's show(I'll be late) or just spending time with my girlfriend. We'll see how that goes. Ciao babies.

Chili F-n' COOKOFF (Prepare yourselves)

I told myself about two years ago that when the opportunity to go to a chili cookoff presented itself I was destined to go. Well this year I found out before the date passed so I'm in. This is an open invitation. If your serious about your chili; And let me be frank, I take my chili real serious, hit me up. Or if your already planning on going and I've at least said hello to you before, let me know. If upon reading the title you didn't get magna-hard the you don't really want to go now do you. http://www.kidneywdc.org/dc101chili.cfm May 20, 2006 is the date and tickets look like 30 or 35 before and 40 at the door. It's gonna be huge. Some of you may be shaking your head saying "It's just Chili man." Yeah....still gonna be fun though. Ciao and tonight I get more of this new material off my chest. TOPAZ. And by the way for anyone who doesn't own T.I.'s new album KING, you should. Along with his other two albums he is claiming his throne atop hip-hop's community. Like Coldplay, Rascal Flatts, and Drowning Pool (high-five to anyone who can identify this band) he is doing his genre of music good in a time full of Nelly, Outkast, and Yellowcard. Not saying their music isn't good, but I woulnd't get a life altering tattoo over their hits or anything. Go fig. Ciao babies.

"Cause I fucked a dude yesterday so I'm gonna be late to work, okay!?

So I'm still buzzin' of the DCUP invite, loved that. Now onto other things. I have the habit of saying that I will go somewhere and then by some twist of fate I don't end up performing there and sometimes not at all that night. So for tonight I will say that I hope Topaz has a nice crowd and leave it at that. There, with no commitment there is no way Lucifer will throw me off tonight. HAHA.
If I may get serious for just a second. I realized that the past seven or eight months have been wonderful. I was missing something and kinda depressed cause I wasn't following my dreams at all. I never wanted a normal life. Entertainment is something I would always like to do and I finally started taking baby steps in the right direction. Met some great folks and there are much more to meet. Might I say that I am a little saddened by the fact that I haven't heard two words from any of the comics at Wiseacres after my whole incident. I'm not talkin' trash, I'm just disappointed, every now and again the hellos were nice. But fuck it, moving on with my babble. I have such a positive outlook on life in general now that it surprises me. Part of me would like to think that is why a lot of us got into this whole comedy scene. We needed it maybe. Sometimes I forget that I haven't even been doing this a year. I just get so anxious I beat up on myself for not having gotten into all this years ago when I first tried. But I guess everything happens for a reason and looking back I had nothing to say back then. Lotta poop jokes. How times have changed. But seriously, I think I needed to live a little. Cause now that I have bills I know why people need a good laugh. I just gotta get off my ass and go to more shows and I'm hoping that improving will help me relay my act a lot more casually and give more of me. Well I've gushed and now I'm gonna go eat a Chicken,Bacon,Ranch sub from subway cause I forgot I put it in the fridge and found it this morning. Ooooooooo YEAH!(Say that aloud but in Randy Savage voice.) Peace ya'll.

A lil' improv thang

Well I was bored so I thought I'd report(that rhymed I should be a rapper....na) the DCUP audition went well. Apparently the good time I was having wasn't just multiple personality disorder. So I'm gonna keep you guys posted when things get going and I'm pretty excited cause I thought last night was fun as hell and I was up for maybe ten minutes. Ciao babies!

Mr. Chun and myself

Well yesterday I had the opportunity to audition for the improv troupe DCUP. That was fun. FUN. I had this bug in me for improv and had been recommending to anyone that might want to do a show with it and standup. Then I saw the auditions online and knew it was a sign. As far as knowing if I got in or not, don't know, but I would definitely like to do a show that included some of it cause it's infectious. I loved it. Couldn't wait for my turn to come up again. If I have the chance to let you know who made it in instead of me I will cause there were some people there that I thought were really funny. There was a brunette female and this Hispanic guy that I liked along with this white guy with glasses that was suprisingly witty. I liked being onstage with him and hope to again someday. Mr. Chun and I were the first there and if he's reading, WHAT UP BITCH! Got to play a couple of games with everybody auditioning. Kind of a round robin with two people where he threw out ideas for play. Then we got to do a song. I'm no Wayne Brady so I was nervous cause this was the only time I felt embarrassed. You know that face that everybody makes when they sing; I didn't want the face to be seen right then. But it was. And I mentioned Al-Queda for a cheap pop. I was so ashamed even though it got laughter. And I rhymed Bird with Turd. That just felt wrong to me. Laughter as well though. Only a little. I would really like to go to Dremos but my schedule might not allow it so if I can't go there I will break my neck to get to Topaz. Need to be on stage more. Especially, while this new improv is in me. And I need the laughter. Attention deprived my whole life (awwwwwwww), what can I do? Well I'm gonna go, but remember this......(I got nothin')(oh) Everyday you wake up, somebody doesn't.? Good enough.

"Fuck that look at shorty, she a lil' cutie yo, da way she shake it make me wanna get all in the booty yo!- Busta Rhymes

Last night. Fun. Went like 13th of 14. Comedy Spot. Jimmy Hosted. Leslie has a thing for handlebar mustaches. Jimmy needs one. Tyler S. The man. Sexually. I'm not gay. I never get to pick my nose. Off subject. Back on. Girl fell as she got on stage. Caught herself. With her face. Awesome. Loved it. Giggled. No one else did. Lesbian, I think. Awesome. Crowd loathed us. Cept indian girl. Loved her. Knew her. Go fig. Peed a lot. Bombed. Funny. Wrote a lot. Said my what's ups. Met Biker looking comic with long goatee. Cool guy. Wish I knew his name. Weed. Memor....what? Wore my sexy hat. Sexy. Indian girl had hot friends. First for my eyes. Somebody wrote her some e-advice. Sets. Blatantly racist. Loved it. Disrespectful though. She gave no name. Whoever did that was bolder than I. Saved the best for last. Everybody's a comedian. Friend of indian tells long but amusing joke. Guy next looks like a heroin addict. And Kurt Cobain. Begins to tell a journey. Look at Jimmy's face. Bewildered. Story still going. Jimmy's still got the look. More story. Jimmy. Seems to be winding down....nope. Jimmy. No punchline. Next. A calm and relaxed marine-looking gentleman takes the mic. The first words from his mouth are "I hate foreigners!" he then began to tell a story where he heard two people speak perfect english to one another and then speak their language when he was around, I think. Didn't really listen to the story after that first line cause everybody's face was a lot more interesting than anything he was gonna say. And since the room was quasi-filled with a lot of middle eastern people and their friends it was a very awkward mood. He sets it nicely. Needless to say no one clapped for him. I may have let one slip out at first but then I realized no one else was making an attempt for him. And if Jesus came in the room I don't want to be the guy clapping for the Nazi. Association. Well I hope you enjoyed the format of today's blog and I'll be at Soho tonight for anyone else going. Say Hello. Peace.

"Fuck that look at shorty, she a lil' cutie yo, da way she shake it make me wanna get all in the booty yo!- Busta Rhymes

Last night. Fun. Went like 13th of 14. Comedy Spot. Jimmy Hosted. Leslie has a thing for handlebar mustaches. Jimmy needs one. Tyler S. The man. Sexually. I'm not gay. I never get to pick my nose. Off subject. Back on. Girl fell as she got on stage. Caught herself. With her face. Awesome. Loved it. Giggled. No one else did. Lesbian, I think. Awesome. Crowd loathed us. Cept indian girl. Loved her. Knew her. Go fig. Peed a lot. Bombed. Funny. Wrote a lot. Said my what's ups. Met Biker looking comic with long goatee. Cool guy. Wish I knew his name. Weed. Memor....what? Wore my sexy hat. Sexy. Indian girl had hot friends. First for my eyes. Somebody wrote her some e-advice. Sets. Blatantly racist. Loved it. Disrespectful though. She gave no name. Whoever did that was bolder than I. Saved the best for last. Everybody's a comedian. Friend of indian tells long but amusing joke. Guy next looks like a heroin addict. And Kurt Cobain. Begins to tell a journey. Look at Jimmy's face. Bewildered. Story still going. Jimmy's still got the look. More story. Jimmy. Seems to be winding down....nope. Jimmy. No punchline. Next. A calm and relaxed marine-looking gentleman takes the mic. The first words from his mouth are "I hate foreigners!" he then began to tell a story where he heard two people speak perfect english to one another and then speak their language when he was around, I think. Didn't really listen to the story after that first line cause everybody's face was a lot more interesting than anything he was gonna say. And since the room was quasi-filled with a lot of middle eastern people and their friends it was a very awkward mood. He sets it nicely. Needless to say no one clapped for him. I may have let one slip out at first but then I realized no one else was making an attempt for him. And if Jesus came in the room I don't want to be the guy clapping for the Nazi. Association. Well I hope you enjoyed the format of today's blog and I'll be at Soho tonight for anyone else going. Say Hello. Peace.

The Bell Tolls

I apologize for my absence yesterday, but I was sick and needed to get in 15 solid hours of WWE Smackdown vs. Raw 2006 or I could've died. Do you have any idea of the dedication that takes. Serious dedication, I didn't even shit. Okay that was a lie but my heart was in the right place.
I did get the opportunity to go check out the first night of the DCCF! I went down to the Warehouse instead of to and open mic. Well worth the small fee at the door. I was excited because I found it in D.C. without even getting lost. I just followed the directions and it lead me right to the spot. I had to call someone because I was so excited. The lineup for the night was Seaton Smith, Ryan Conner, Rory Scovel and the improv troupe Biscuitville. Everyone of them was funny and the crowd was (in my opinion) good for their size. Around the time that Ryan was onstage I realized that I'd had quite a bit to drink and needed to go to the bathroom. I look to my right and this guy who also has to go is schimmying through the bleachers. I would've followed but I can see a lot of different and all awkward situations so I waited. He never came back. So I wait some more. I see at least 4 or 5 more people get up to go to the bathroom but none of them ever came back. Which lead me to believe that once I got up there was no love when I try to cross back in front of the crowd. So I waited. It wasn't until I got to Biscuitville that dimensia set in. I was rocking and shaking in my seat and the fat guy that was next to me didn't seem amused. But I was serious. I was a minute or two from pissing myself when the show ended, but I would not get up in the middle of their performance cause I paid to see that shit. I want every chuckle. And I wasn't getting up til I knew the funny was over. So I enjoyed the performances and made my way back home. I'll probably go out tonight and soak up some more of the festival. Ya'll be good, and if I'm bored I might just blog again today.

DCCF

I am going to go support OUR troops tonight. Anyone going to the Warehouse for the opening, don't be a stranger, say hello.

Chappelle!

That is the picture that managed to take of Dave Chappelle. When he said bye, he flew off the stage with a cheetah like speed. I feel ashamed to say that when I first saw the price of the tickets my cheapness immediately told me to stop and think of things you could buy with that. However, I knew that it might be a long time before I ever got to see Dave Chappelle again and I'd be a fool to pass that up. It was worth every penny. My face hurt and about halfway through I wished that he had just started so I could do it again. He flew through like 2+ hours like it was nothing. And he seemed incredibly intelligent while he was just talking with( I said with) us. I had a lot of fun and of course I had one particular moment that I wanted to share. So Tim and I just met up with Kojo and Sean Gabbert. There is a rastafarian( I probably fucked that spelling up, but go with it. He looked like a Jamican.) standing behind me and all of the sudden his girl comes up. I was not high so this was not paranoia. They were talking about me, but silently(almost politely) but didn't know I could sense that. They made gestures that I couldn't point out specifically, and I felt very awkward. So asked Sean to switch with me which just made it worse, cause I was a grown man tugging on another man to switch like 7 year olds do with their mothers. All the did was look at me. Since I'm nonconfrontational that's how I handle things.

About the show, Ryan rocked it. I was laughing alound, which I don't normally do so I like it quite a bit. Some stuff I was hearing for the first time so I was just as fresh as everyone else. At one point I had some Jalapeno Poppers and the one was so HOT that I had to sit there for like 2 minutes with that face like I shat myself. That pepper was like 200 degrees Celsius. That's hotter than Fahrenheit. I have a cyst in mouth now, it was murder. But I couldn't spit it out. I wanted to scream. But then I'd be a heckler. Then he came out and I'll give you an example of the show if you weren't there. He talked about the show cheaters, Africa, Comedy Central and the answered some questions. Don't get me wrong there a lot of other topics but they fly at you so fast it's hard to recall. I'm sure that I'll always remember that show and the fact that I was like 2 feet away from him that whole time. I almost wet my pants just cause I didn't want to get up. And I'm proud of myself for not getting all high school girl on him. You know: "Hey Mr. Chappelle, I think about you all the time...wait...that came out wrong...sorry...I'm Tyler....I do local comedy....I saw Nutty Profes.....wait...sorry...this is awkward so would you spit on me?" Something like that. Alright everybody I'll talk later and for anyone going to Dremos I'll be going to check that out so hope to see you there. Hopefully I'll get to see people preparing for the DCCF! cause if you don't know, you betta ask somebodeeeeeee.(somebody; I'm sorry I have grammar far to good to end it on that note.)

Chappelle

Yes everybody I am going to see Dave Chappelle tomorrow night at the DC Improv. Look forward to seeing you there. That is all.

Lizard Lounge

I just got done reading Jay Hasting account of what happened on the 31st in Alexandria. If you don't know you should read it. I was very entertained. I really wish I had been there. And Herbie, "You damn straight, son, we could've shown them who the fuck we is." That's all, but I loved reading that story. So alive, this city.

More of my awkward life.

So on Saturday I had to go by a friends house on my way home and I had one of the more awkward moments of my young, short, life. I'll be brutally honest and tell you that the story involves drug use and I'm not proud of that, but I want to give a full recount of what happened. So my friend Bill and I go over to this guy Stu's house. We were picking up something for ourselves and I believed that this was going to be a quick in and out. How stupid of me. Upon getting there Bill took a seat and I realized that he had tricked me. We were staying for a few minutes. No big deal cause I like Stu. But Stu is one of those people that jokingly but not really, acts like he's god in his house. He could shit on your shoe and then tell you to get out cause it's HIS HOUSE. I know he's joking but then again, he can't be joking completely. Since I don't know him that well and I'm just a random black guy I try to keep me mouth shut when around him. Now I should also mention that when we arrived it was only Stu and his sister. Then after I'd purchased what I came for he asked me to sit and have a blunt. Words that further meant I wasn't getting out any time soon. Then he says wait cause his brother is coming. SHIT. His brother brings his girlfriend with him, who was hotter than I'd prepared myself for. I mean she was smoking hot. I mean she was bad. Sexy(okay I'm good now). Then Stu's girlfriend shows up. Then another brother that's all tattooed up comes in and he looks like he's cast in PrisonBreak. So finally the bands all here and it's been like 45 minutes. Far longer than this little journey was meant to take. Everybody puts in but Bill. He was a little broke at the time. Stu starts jokingly telling Bill that there are too many people for this MEGA blunt and that he has to go. He points out that everyone threw in and even if they didn't that those are his brothers and girlfriends. THIS IS WHERE I FUCKED UP. I hadn't really said more than two words that night and for good reason. I, for some reason, thought now was a great time to hit them with a whammy that would solidify me as the funny guy in the house. I thought about it for a second and here goes: "Hey Bill, tell them about the times you offered to go down on me, isn't that kinda like being brothers?"- Tyler Richardson
The first person that my eyes met with was the PrisonBreak brother. He was not giving me a look of approval. No, if anything he looked like he wanted to hurt me and I don't think he has any gay friends. Silence. For about 25 seconds there was nothing. I have never felt more alone. Then I had to bear witness to the second act of our play. The Quickening. Bill shakes his head and with a smirk he said this aloud for all to hear: "Tyler, you don't know these people. They don't like that shit. What would make you say some gay shit like that anyway? What the fuck is wrong with you?"- Asshole turncoat friend
I then had nothing else to do but sit there as that one guy without a friend in the world. I have the distinct feeling that had I not put in that I would've been asked to leave. Which really would've been awkward. That was a long blunt too. I had to keep my mouth shut while lame jokes about Brokeback Mountain are made and the hot girl had typical hot girl conversation. SHIT. When we did finally leave there was no dap to be given. I threw a wave and never looked back. The only thing that would've made that worse for me would've been if someone had said the words "GAY SHIT?!" right after I made my statement. I feel like had I heard that, I would've gotten up and just walked out, cause I already had my purchase and receipt. Or had Stu even jokingly told me to get out, I would've left. Never looking back to see if Bill followed me. If he was a smart man he would know when I wasn't coming back. Well that's yet another glimpse into my life and I hope we shared a chuckle. By the way, I listened to Elliot in the Morning today, and they played a call of a woman being tazed by a cop. I only pray that wasn't real cause he kept telling her to get out of the car. She didn't and he warned her. Then you could hear her being tazered, if that's even a word. Then for a minute they just laughed as she cried and sounded almost exactly like a hurt puppy. I was horrified. And then they just moved on to another caller and acted as though that wasn't the most haunting thing they could've played. I was speechless, and actually called people to see if they heard that too. How terrible. And she sounded hot too, I can only hope that she wasn't. We can't just start punishing pretty people. What motivation will ugly people have to succeed?